I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Ok, so you may say is that a good thing or a bad thing. Well, It’s been a good thing for me. I’ve struggled with the uncomfortableness of “me” for as long as I can remember. Growing up, I tried so hard to adapt to how I thought others would like me. I had a few friends growing up, but not really many. I always seemed to either get along better with those younger or older than my age. I struggled to find a group my own age that I could make a good connection with.
In high school I had a few more friends. I found a good group of friends to hang around with. But I still always had the issue with not really knowing “who” I was. I still felt like I wasn’t the true me. I’ve always struggled with how I look. Never really thought I was all that pretty, then I gained a bit of weight. It started in 9th grade, as I started maturing more, my hips expanded and I went from a size 4 to a size 9. Then after that is when I gained more. I fluctuated between size 10 and 12 most of my high school and college years. I know it’s not all that big, but you have to remember up until 9th grade I was stick thin and I couldn’t gain weight if I wanted to, so along with all my other feelings of inadequacies it didn’t help.
In the last 4 years since my oldest was born, I have had some successes loosing some weight but now I feel it was for a cost. I was following a program – to which I won’t name. The program is very successful and is a valid program, but to stick to it. I had to really watch what I was eating. I had to give up most of the things I really liked to eat and I do believe that following the “diet” perse helped contribute to my recent depression.
I lay no blame on the program. The way you watch your food intake probably doesn’t affect everyone’s nutrition intake as it did mine. I believe because I was restricting myself so much, I was depriving my body of nutrients I needed. I was not, at the time, taking any vitamins to supplement and that was something I probably should have thought about. The lack of nutrients probably lead to my hormonal imbalance which caused my depression. Now I’m on medication which has a side effect of weight gain, I’ve gained a bit, but I’ve decided I’m fine with it.
I have decided I am fine with how I look overall. I’m done killing myself to conform to how the advertisements depict the perfect woman. I’m not going to starve myself anymore….I’m happier when I’m eating the foods I like, when I’m baking (which I had pretty much given up so I wouldn’t eat it and gain weight). I’m happier when I’m not worrying about being how everyone is perceiving me. I am fine with me!
I hope everyone struggling with their looks, weight, or any aspect of who they are joins me in making the decision to be satisfied with who you are. To quote an old Saturday Night Live skit-Repeat after me- “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and doggon it, people like me.”
Tags: depression, finding yourself, nutrition
It has been a full month since I last posted. The holidays caught up to me and I started to over-commit myself, unfortunately my blog went by the wayside. I am committed to working more on my blog this month and the good thing is that while over-committing myself I came up with a few good topics for the blog.
Today I wanted to talk about stability balls (or exercise balls) in the office. I’ve recently changed out my desk chair for a stability ball. I purchased one with sand in it, called a “stay ball”. The sand holds the ball in place when you stand up and the ball doesn’t roll away and you still get all the benefits of the original stability ball.
For those of you who have seen my previous posts, you may remember that I was diagnosed with moderately sever depression last year. Along with that I suffer from a bit of anxiety as well. In my particular job position, I often sit at my desk for hours on end. On the days where I have a lot of energy I find it hard to sit so long, I start to get anxious. So, I asked my boss if I could bring in a ball.
There are also real health benefits to it. While sitting you are also working to balance yourself, you are working many muscles including your core muscles, and your back muscles. You will also improve your posture.
I’ve been using the ball for about 2 weeks and I have to admit…it’s fun!. Fun? Yes Fun! It adds a bit of “bounce” to my day, while sitting at my desk. I can roll side to side and get some core exercise in while typing at my desk. While, I’m waiting for some reports to finish running on my computer, I can even do a few sit ups. I have also noticed that my mood has been very upbeat lately – I believe it to be a combination between the elliptical machine I bought to use at home for regular exercise, and the new “desk chair”.
Tags: balance ball, chair, desk, exercise, stability ball, work
We have been involved in the terrible two’s for some time now and I wish they were done, but alas, I know we have more time with them. I think I much prefer when they skip the terrible two’s and they hit that stage at three like Vincent did. It seemed to have passed much faster.
I had almost the exact same new years eve this year as I did last year. Except instead of Vincent it was Ian who wouldn’t listen. I guess that’s what I get for having the boys 20 months apart. You seem to get one out of a troublesome phase and the other one is moving right into some other.
With Ian it’s so hard. He’s so stubborn. Vincent, you could sit on your lap and calm down by having him look at you and talking to him. Not Ian. He will flop and flail and refuse to let you talk. All you can do is let the fit go and hope it subsides soon.
Yesterday I felt like a complete failure. Ian decided he was going to completely ignore me. When I asked him to put on his boots and jacket I got no response. After several minutes and attempts, I just decided to put them on myself. That turned into a battle. Nothing like being a working mom and feeling like your kids have no respect for you, especially in front of their provider. Finally she had to come help so I could get Vincent out to the car and then come back and get him.
Tags: fail, failure, terrible two's, working mom
Last night I set to work on another set of freezer meals. I started pretty late, and spent an hour and a half cooking. I still have a bit to finish up today, but it went pretty well. Many of the recipes I was working on called for the meat to be precooked or browned. I spent a lot of my time last night cutting up and cooking the meat. There were a few preps I could do for some of the meals while the meat was cooking, but not exactly everything.
While I was cleaning up, I had a “revelation” perse…I realized how fast the meal put together was after the meats were cooked. As a working mom, I’m always trying to do the most with my time and lets face it, I don’t like spending all night in the kitchen – even though pulling meals out of the freezer is a great time saver in the end.
I’ve decided to split my freezer cooking into 3 days.
-
Day 1 – shopping
Day 2 – Any meat prep/cooking
Day 3 – pull together the rest of the ingredients and add meat
Since my family is smaller and one recipe usually makes enough for 2 meals, I only cook 4 – 5 at a time. So, If I split my days up as listed above, instead of spending 3 hours or so in the kitchen in one night (which is pretty much all my time after the kids go to bed), I can spend 1 1/2 in the kitchen for 2 nights and still accomplish the same thing.
For this working mom, it’s just what I need to make freezer cooking into a doable task.
Tags: Cooking, cooking for a week, time savers, weekly cooking
Tonight, after picking up the boys from daycare, I had to make a stop at Aldi. I rarely take the kids shopping with me, just because it’s easier alone…but this time I did. They were really good while we were shopping. We got in line to check out and in front of us was a gentleman had on a camouflage hat, similar to my dad’s (Papa) and a green Jacket similar to one my dad has.
The following conversation took place:
Ian: “Papa? Papa?”
Me: “No honey, that’s not papa. But he has a hat and jacket like Papa.”
(Man smirks, because he hears the conversation)
Vincent: “Hey mama, Papa has a mustache and so does he…..he has a silly mustache”
(the gentleman had a long mustache with a slender beard below it)
Me: “You’re silly” (hoping the guy thought the conversation was “cute” too.
(Gentleman turns and smiles at the boys)
Ahhhh the way our kids make us oddly uncomfortable when stating the obvious….very loudly…lol 
Well, tonight was a blundering mess of comedic events. I have a cake due Friday and was trying to cook it tonight so I could just frost it tomorrow. Well, I now have some cake to experiment making something called cake balls…but I still have to cook up the cake that’s due Friday.
I finally found out what happens when you overfill your pans. Suprisingly, this is the first time I’ve done that with all the cakes I’ve made.
Did you know that when you over fill your cake pan, the cake slowly rises, and then busts out the side and dribbles down the side and onto the bottom of the oven. I tried to continue cooking the cake, but one just wouldn’t cook all the way through. The second one cooked, but just didn’t look great inside.
I cut off the top of the done one and it tastes fine. But, since it doesn’t look great, I don’t want to give it to a customer. So, now I’ll be able to make cake balls and expand my portfolio.
In the past something like that would have sent me spiraling into a pissed off mess. For those of you who have read my past posts regarding depression know what I’m talking about. Thankfully, tonight I just find it comical and will try again tomorrow.
Tags: cake, cooking disaster, over fill
Dear spammer,
I do not want your crap! I do not need your crap!
If I was in the market for what ever crap you’re trying to sell, I’d do a search and buy it from a reputable company. I do not enjoy having to try to think up every way possible to filter your emails into my spam box. Those of you who spam blogs, you spam our blogs with incoherent messages for products that have absolutely NOTHING to do with our topic of conversations. If you spam mine, it’s getting marked as spam and/or deleted, so don’t waste your time.
Sincerely,
Me
I’m getting better at taking time for myself. I have to remind myself not to take on too much. Like today, I wanted to get to the gym over lunch, but I had a few errands I also wanted to run. One being to pick up items for a detox bath, that I’ll tell you all about below. I decided that it would be better to get my errands done today over lunch and once I don’t have to worry about those anymore, it will be much easier to get to the gym over lunch without feeling stressed about my errands.
So, what’s this detox bath I mentioned? Well, I should start by saying that while searching for the balance between my work and family, I’ve realized how important it is to not only make sure my family stays healthy…but also to make sure I stay healthy too-both mentally and physically.
In the past few years I’ve slowly come to open up to what might be considered alternative medicines. Not as my primary source of medical care, but as an addition to. My first experience with something “homeopathic” was when Vincent was getting his two year molars. He would wake up screaming and the typical teething gels didn’t seem to work much. I heard so many good things about Hylands teething tablets that I thought I’d give it a try. I was amazed at how quickly my son felt the ease of pain and was able to get back to sleep.
Then I saw some foot detox advertisments and me, being me, had to try it when I saw it at the store. I bought and used them; I saw the pads turn dark like they were supposed to and I assumed they were working. But I didn’t really know until I used one when I was having some discomfort in my foot for a few weeks. I was surprised the morning after I put it on, the discomfort was considerably less.
So now, with trying to eat better (we won’t discuss the sour cream and onion chips I just downed) and trying to get more exercise, I got to thinking about body detox I’ve heard about. It’s supposed to get all the junk out….and in my mind, my body should work better without the junk. I didn’t want to do one of the internal cleansing, I just am not the type to not eat for so many hours only drink, and I don’t like the discomfort from some of the pill methods. I had heard of detoxifying body wraps, but I’m not going to be able to afford going to a spa for one. So, I looked into making a wrap at home.
Well, the wraps are partial mud, which is messy. Still I’m willing to try, but I don’t like the $40 price tag associated with having to buy all the ingredients. I know, less than the cost of going to a spa, but still…it’s the Holiday’s and I’m going broke on Christmas gifts…lol.
I did, however, come upon some detoxifying bath recipes. Now, that I can handle. Below is the recipe I tried:
1 cup sea salts
2 cups of baking soda
1 cup Epsom salts
You mix it all together and put it in a glass jar with a screw on lid….use 1/4 cup in your bath
Put this in the bathtub and you’ll want the water just as hot as you can stand it (but don’t scald yourself)
(these ingredients cost me a whopping $3.00- sea salt 2/$1 at dollar tree, Epsom salt $1 at dollar tree and 2 boxes of baking soda at Aldi $.49 each)
Then I added some stuff to my bath that I had on hand that was in the mud wrap recipes….
1 tsp Olive Oil – regenerates new skin cells, draws moisture to external skin cells
Tea tree oil (just a few drops) – Anti- fungal, acne, skin toner
1 tsp Lemon Juice – detoxifies and cleanses skin cells These essential oils are used to combat cellulite and detoxify the body
and
I grated some ginger (yes I had ginger root at home) I can’t remember the benefits, but it also helps you sweat…which is a good thing for detoxifying your system (sweat is your body’s natural way of getting rid of toxins)
I sat in the tub for 45 minutes and READ A BOOK! I haven’t done that in forever!
I really feel good after the detox bath. I felt like I just got done working out at the gym. It was very nice taking time for me, I feel very relaxed. I just need to make sure I drink more water BEFORE the detox bath. I’ve read to start drinking extra water the day before and continue drinking during the bath and after the bath.
Tags: bath, detox, dextoxify, relax, take time for myself